those who say the past is not dead can stop and smell the smoke

so perhaps for the first time in a while, i've felt sufficiently content to not have to write. i was told today that this blog is very angsty, which, apart from being true, is also quite unbecoming of someone my age. it's just so easy to get caught up in one's own mess and ignore the fact that the rest of the world has moved on, and i'm the only one who really did not.

my new guitar capo came in the mail today, but i had forgotten that it was and hence did not bother to get home early enough to pick it up from the mail room. there is just something about replacements that i find interesting. the very idea of a replacement by nature reduces the value of the replacement item. it has no value inherent in itself, except that it is a good enough approximation to something else which one had initially been sufficiently satisfied with. a replacement could be different, but its similarities to a previous possession is its main value.

take my new capo for instance. i bought it only because the previous one was no longer serviceable. hence, the new capo owes its entire purpose to the old one. it might be better than its predecessor, with its metal construction and spring action mechanism, but it is still nothing more than a replacement.

of course, we all grow to enjoy the replacements that we have. it's almost like a cycle in life. soon enough, we will be redefining our experience with the qualities of the replacement, not the forgotten original.

and i suppose i wonder whether that is true for people. can friends simply be replaced? i'm not sure whether i would want that option. one thing is for sure though, it sure is nice to have someone to talk to again.

on thursday night, we almost had a conversation. it was over something quite silly, but it made me extremely sad for a while. she initiated conversation while i almost lapsed into my typical mode of banter. then, in a conscious decision (i know for me, but i can't speak for her), it just stopped. i can't help but find the situation so depressing. it felt to me as if we both wanted things to be the way the used to be, but realizing the present situation, decided to simply give up. who knows how many good things have gone to waste under similar circumstances.