if you're gonna lose then might as well lose big then

so at the end of a very depressing day, what can you do except come home and deflate. perhaps the only thing that keeps me going now is the impending concert on saturday, where hopefully eef barzelay will sing some nice songs and save my life. i realize there is something very timely about his arrival. it's been a long time since i've needed this much picking up, and i could do much worse than going back to a time when things were difficult, but so much less complicated.

my history with eef barzelay is perhaps the same as that of most people who've heard of him. he was (and in a way still is - i'll get to that later) the lead singer of clem snide, an obscure new york band which had one claim to fame - it's song 'moment in the sun' was the theme song for the nbc show 'ed' in its second season (the complicated story behind this i will not get to ever). i loved that show very much when i was maybe 13 years old, and given my musical adventurism during that phase of my life, was prompted to seek out its theme song.

i must admit i didn't enjoy their music very much at the start. it was quiet and introspective, two of the things i hadn't learn to enjoy back in those days. also, given the relative obscurity, the record store (i believe it was border's) was charging an arm and a leg for both of their two albums which were available. i believe i eventually plonked down a significant chunk of my allowance for their album 'your favorite music' after much deliberation.

perhaps because i wanted to name a totally obscure band as my favorite, i succeeded in learning to enjoy them. which is not to say their music is bad. in fact, i still find that album to be entirely delightful. till now it contains some of my favorite sad songs of all time. before long i amassed their entire back catalog (which meant just the other album they have - 'the ghost of fashion').

it was to be a lasting love affair. an older album of theirs, 'you were a diamond' got was re-released in 2002, and has since become my favorite album of theirs. in 2003 came 'soft spot', perhaps one of the most romantic albums no one has ever heard. there is a song on there, called 'every moment', which is simply breathtakingly delicate and beautiful. their latest (and last) album, 'end of love', returns to their cynical roots that's full of creative imagery and imaginative analogies.

unfortunately, the band broke up last year. they had a new album produced, but they were unable to find a label to release it and it all just fell apart. eef barzelay had by then released a solo album, 'bitter honey'. it was stripped down and bare in its presentation. but the quality of the songs were as strong as any of the clem snide material. there is a certain bitterness in the music that's tempered by a resignation to the world's peculiarities, and remains a difficult album to appreciate by general standards.

but i suppose that's why i enjoy eef barzelay and his music. it feel challenging, as if each song questions what i feel about the way the world works. this all sounds a little silly since they are after all just songs, but i've known music to have a very powerful effect on me. there is something extremely cathartic about his songs, which all seem to say "i know you think the world is messed up, but that's life, and maybe among that nonsense there's something beautiful to find".

among clem snide's songs is an instrumental piece that's been an enigma for years. the piece 'evil vs. good', which gave this blog its name, has such a strange effect on me. while i'm usually more focused on lyrics, the layers on that track somehow just makes me feel a comforting kind of strange (if you can believe that exists). i think that might be the best we can hope for sometimes.