my sunny side has up and died

woke up with a tremendous desire to throw up which has not, in 30 minutes, subsided. i can hardly trust what i write anymore it seems. sometimes it feels more and more like there are 2 people living inside me who are very similar but somehow not equal. one of them is clearly more rational, while the other is totally self-destructive. i've let the latter come out to play a little too much this weekend. back to work then.