either my heart's got some inertia, or there is a sick self-righting mechanism embedded in my head that keeps me from getting away from these horrid feelings. when you start feeling the same things that make you feel defeated, you start doubting your own ability to keep yourself well.
i really have no idea what to do. i've forced myself into a some awkward corner through my fear of loneliness, and now it's too hard to get out. i just feel so stupid, knowing that nothing i feel will ever mean anything to anyone else. why can't i just quit it? i wish someone would teach me how.
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