just can't find the time to write my mind the way i want it to read

i think when you give it your all, and someone remains unmoved, that is a good sign that you don't mean anything. so why is it something i feel unconvinced about?

dreams are pretty weird. i mean real dreams, those that happen in your sleep. i don't see any evolutionary advantage for having dreams, so why is it that we still do? and i don't understand how as children we were able to distinguish dream from reality. when do we learn to? do we ever really learn to? i guess the only clue i had that i was dreaming last night was that i felt alright in my dream, and i don't quite feel alright now.

and i guess the way the word is used is quite weird too. i don't understand how the word came to mean something similar to 'aspiration', except less grounded. 'dream' seems to always connote a certain level of wishful thinking, of false hope. but strangely, the world doesn't seem prejudicial to the concept. i think it should be. when you dream big, you lose big also. i don't even dream about very much, and still i find myself being crushed by the weight of loss so frequently.

i realized that there are some really nice songs on wilco's A.M.. it's the most country sounding of their records and for some reason i haven't really listened to it very much. it's strange how at this juncture, when i kind of need it, it's coming up for me.