知足的快乐叫我忍受心痛

it's a very beautiful chicago day. i'm sure it's cold outside, but from my window, it looks almost as if spring might be just around the corner. the sun is at that point in the sky where it's casting beautiful shadows, but it's still bright enough to not require depressing artificial lighting. unfortunately, while i can appreciate the aesthetics of what's outside the window, it's what inside that i don't quite get.

and in this confluence of emotions, the word 'enough' comes up. the one scene from that insipid film 'love actually' that i can remember clearly is the one involving the wedding videographer. his infatuation for his best friend's wife, being discovered, he did the courageous thing of coming clean to her in the most sappy can-only-happen-in-a-rom-com way. in case anyone reading hasn't seen the movie (which is unlikely given the number of times it has played on tv), he wrote a message on a bunch of placards, brought them over to her place, put on christmas carols to distract his best friend/her husband (sneaky bastard), and then showed her the message by flashing the placards sequentially. i'm pretty sure he didn't say a single word. at the end of it, the wife, played by keira knightley (lucky bastard), gives him a nice kiss, which the audience should interpret as a reward for his courage, but nothing else. (it's a movie about christmas and love, not homewrecking...). but that's not the scene that is amazing though. after receiving his reward, the film cuts to a long shot of the house, with the wife just closing the door and the guy walking away (towards the audience) with somewhat of a half-smile. and he says one word: 'enough'. and that was that.

i think the word enough there is somewhat unsatisfactory, even though we can all understand what he means. there is a very good chinese expression for what he really means. 知足. to be content with what he has. the fact that he has taken the courageous step, at the risk of so much. that his affections for her has been affirmed as something that isn't inappropriate and out of place. that she appreciated his courage, and acknowledged his situation.

how different would the movie have been if she had slammed the door in his face? if she tried to simply discredit him? if she had simply tried to make his feelings seem insignificant? well then it wouldn't be a very good romantic comedy, because he wouldn't have had his moment. he couldn't have smiled to himself while enduring the pain he must have felt inside. because, as this post title says, it is this feeling of being content that allows him to endure what could only be more heartache in his future.

and i am nothing if not a malcontent. but one hopeful observation: life will always have beautiful moments. like the anticipation of watching Slash and Scott Weiland in concert. like having a stranger listen to you while you're in an inebriated state. like watching manchester united soundly dismantle newcastle, slotting 6 goals past them in just over 45 minutes. like the lake and the sun.