you've got your head in the clouds and your world's upside down

i resolve to not look back when i step through the gate on departure day. i will not cry. because it will be the best thing that has ever happened to me. at least that's what i'm telling myself.

saw juline off today, and was struck by how calm she was when she finally passed customs. and distinctly, one gets the sense that stepping through the gate was some kind of figurative threshold. she was the first person i sent off who was flying on her own, and not with a parent. and so the threshold was perhaps that of adulthood. when we all go pass those guarded glass doors, we are, for once, really beyond reach of our parents, someplace where they can no longer help us. where we will for the first time fend for ourselves in a totally different world. and we will be in that place for a loooonnnng time.

so what i was really thinking was, will i be able to do it like she did? to take everything literally in my stride. i think for guys the pressure won't set in for a while, given how we are used to being away from our families. but when the first week passes and you realise that it's not a matter of simply packing up and booking out, but a matter of being halfway around the world, it will hit us so hard and that's when it all falls apart. or maybe it won't and we'll be alright. who knows?

another update: given that i now have a digicam, what i still need are:

nice books: bought catcher in the rye today on a whim, because i never read it and according to a clem snide song "the first thing every killer reads is catcher in the rye" and i was wondering why. will hit second-hand bookstores at far east plaza tomorrow on based on mel's recommendations (ana's right?) and find me a couple more.

a travel charger: which i'm increasingly beginning to realise i don't need. i can probably charge my batteries during the layover at hongkong (if i end up on the UA flight afterall) anyways.

but now there is one other thing i need:

a BIG suitcase: emphasis on BIG. i'm probably going to go with just one huge suitcase, a small carry on bag with just a little bit of clothes and my slingbag. so i'll just check one piece of luggage. since i'm flying alone, that helps to cut down on how much shit i have to lug around. 1 heave piece is probably better than 2 lighter pieces cos i only have so many (2) hands.

on a happy note, PSC called today to ask whether i submitted my bank account details, which i (wishfully thinking on overdrive) take to mean that they will soon be crediting me my various sing dollar allowances. which will pull me out of debt! fantastic.