17 days left in singapore, just about the number of days i find appropriate to begin some kind of countdown. so there we go. 17 days. funny how just a while ago i was in army and it was 3 months away, then PDC and it was 2 months, and then that become one month, and now i've got about 2 weeks and a bit. and it still feels pretty unreal.
i've always had this weird ability to see into my own future. throughout my life, regardless of how much i've panicked and worried about things, deep inside i always had a tremendous sense of self-confidence, an inner self-assurance that doesn't always come to the front. today i was worrying about how i am going to keep a 3.5 GPA that i will need to get my honors in econs, and thinking how badly i'm going to screw things up. but i know that somehow i'll do it, because somewhere in my mind i've seen myself do it. somewhere in my mind everything that is happening now has happened already and it's just playing out in slow-motion.
but there are always little gaps here and there that are annoying. for a very long time, army was big gap, but near the end of BMT it was filled up. then there is my life after 30 years old, which is just a huge blur that perhaps i really don't need to see. which i don't mind. family life, if any, is a very very big gap, which isn't a big deal also, since i don't intend to start one. but there are other little things that are just annoying. most people would leave these things to chance, but i hate chance, cos while i maintain that i am an incredibly lucky person, it's also really a matter of time before that luck runs out.
but i think i'm beginning to forget the entire point of what i was thinking, so let's get back. the thing is, i am quite sure that everything is going to turn out fine when i get there. i'm fretting like never before, but that's just some odd way of being typical and normal. and today, i realised that the next time i go to the airport will be with my huge luggage and my passport. which is scary only in that i'm so not ready for it right now.
i'm staring at my new suitcase and this pile of warm clothing that i somehow collected from various sources (don't ask) and thinking, how the hell is everything going to fit. which is just one of many problems. problems that will all work themselves out in the end and i won't really have to worry about anyways. so the question really is, what am i going to do with these last 17 days?
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