lipsync me a melody so sweet and clear

went back to RJ today and realise that it's not my school anymore, just another place i used to be at and now i've left behind.

it's awfully hard to muster up nostalgia for a place that never really existed in your head, and the new building helps to dispel all images of what the school is and filled the space with what i never saw it becoming. oh how awfully pretentious of me to say something like that. but i guess it is true. i will never feel at ease there, nor did i ever really feel at ease in the old campus.

the bishan neighbourhood, on the other hand, was comforting. i took a walk about the places we used to frequent when i was still in secondary school and there was a certain familiarity that hit me in the most comforting of ways. i remember the days of rushing out of the gate at lunch time (40mins then), going to s-11 for ban mian and bundung/lemon tea/barley, before heading to NTUC fairprice to buy nuts to eat in class. things i could never do again. that's how you define nostalgia i guess, the feeling you get when you think about things you used to enjoy but can no longer do.

after bishan, i decided not to do anything else, but instead took 105 all the way to jurong east, where i used to frequent for its library long ago. there's something about HDB new towns, this flavour that singapore will do well to retain. i walked past a row of shops that used to house numerous and varied tenants, but is now one huge bargain department store. and somehow, the feeling was different. i liked the clutter and the colour and the noise. the endless streams of people that made shopping difficult and walking even harder. it's been years since i last saw a movie at jurong cineplex, and i recall the days when i would save up my allowance to go watch a movie, sometimes 2, over the weekend. the seats were uncomfortable and the sound system needed major upgrades, but i enjoyed myself tremendously.

so as i waited for the bus at the interchange, i suddenly realised how difficult it is going to be for me to relocate myself. i'm not one of those people who want to go overseas as an end in itself. i want a good foreign education, but i'm a singaporean at heart. and for the first time, i'm thinking that on the night before i fly off, it's going to be even worse than the night before i enlisted, when i talked to my mom for the first time till 2 in the morning. it's not going to be 2 weeks. it's going to be a whole year, or maybe more.