i didn't hear you leave

i told the story to another friend tonight. just a totally different version. perhaps one that was more personal, that made me more vulnerable.

the conclusion was that me and my friend would both find it very hard to find love, because the love we want is something complete and all-encompassing. something that is real and would last a long long time.

i stole the last line i just typed from an eels song. the complete lines go: "my kind of love is an ugly love, but it's real and it lasts a long long time". and i listen to it and think that it is so true. because really, beautiful fairytale love isn't real. never was, never will be. true love is ugly cos it's complicated and full of both good and bad things. at least that's what i want.

again, it's very late on a day i should really be sleeping again. another draining week ahead of me. every day is another opportunity to know myself better.