look for me when the sun-bright swallow sings upon the birch bough high

and in the aftermath of all things, i realise i am left with absolutely nothing at all. i am missing all of you dearly my good friends. being here has become a burden on my senses. there is something about the self-selective group of people who have elected to travel 9000 miles from home to pursue an education that makes them somewhat difficult to befriend.

an unusual sense of self-confidence which i wholly lack. a thirst for achievement which i feel has drained out of my spirit long ago. an artificiality that comes with a need to protect oneself, something which i unfortunately also possess but is entirely antithetical to the formation of proper relationships. yet somehow amidst all these people, there are those who have found someone to talk to, to share things with, and maybe, possibly to love. it must just be me. who am i? i must be that nobody that you have forgotten.

it is unfortunate that amongst the few people i had hoped to receive some kind words from yesterday, most of them did not elect to acknowledge my existence. at least now i know who my real friends are, and who are simply making use of me. it is also interesting to note that the optimism that had brought me through the majority of this quarter has entirely disappeared. from here on, it's going to be one huge uphill fight.