but in the long run there's still time to change the road you're on

this would be post 183 on this blog. startlingly, my changes to the template and the subsequent republishing time has reached a point where i am feeling that this blog is getting much to large and much too old. i remember once where i changed my blog every couple of months, with different themes and templates and stuff. oh the days where self-expression came from the colours of fonts and the size of text. now it's getting much harder.

capping off a very very unproductive weekend, i just finished watching a episode of "lost". getting very behind, and this is the first season i've decided to follow regularly. as much as i am intrigued by the concept and the various possible explanations for all the happenings in the show, i also feel a sense that somehow, much of it is just an exercise in confusion, that if they put in enough stuff, audiences will find it interesting even if nothing much is actually being told in the story. at the very least, the show could use a bit more cohesion.

i did see 2 movies this weekend. i saw "babel" on friday, which was a very very depressing film. if you ever have a chance to see it, don't. as a film it is pretty good. i especially liked the snappy editing which made the movie (all 2 and a half hours of it) seem to pass by without sagging. unfortunately, the subject matter is grim to say the least, and not particularly enjoyable or entertaining. as such, it will probably be awarded a bunch of awards. it does show audiences a different side of the medium, that film does not have to entertain, or provide a message even, but can stand simply as a medium that reflects a certain vision of life.

saturday night i caught "a scanner darkly", which was also an interesting film. the whole computer-assisted rotoscoping thing was cool, even though it handles movement extremely badly. i can't really decide if it was beneficial for the film, or maybe it could have been as good if not better if it was straightforward life action. the story is interesting, as you would expect from a philip k. dick work, but in the end somewhat unsatisfying. i felt as if i wanted the movie to end quickly, but when it finally came, i was disappointed nonetheless. i'm not sure if it's the story, the pacing of the film, or just because i was not in the proper frame of mind.

but otherwise, it was a pretty disappointing weekend. after the movie on friday night, i went back to the building i stayed in last year to find a friend of mine, and then went to a party before spending two hours talking in the room of someone who was practically a stranger to me. at some point, i had a weird realisation that i was very different from everyone else i was with that night, and that i would probably never escape that fact. it was somewhat depressing to say the least.

it is painful sometimes, how far genuine emotions can get you before you run into those walls that we have been conditioned to build around us. it would take a very long time to explain that last statement in context, but in short: sometimes you really feel as if you are getting close to people, but in the end, nothing about the mode of interaction between two people can be for sure. discomfort seeps in in so many ways and ultimately, the inherent distance between man and man reasserts itself. in the most unnoticeable ways, friends are gained and lost all the time.

suffice to say i am torn between wanting this quarter to be over, so i can take a break, and wanting it never to end so i have all the time in the world to figure things out.