we're frightened and we're scared if you don't stare

in my recent enthusiasm for old smashing pumpkins songs, i've been listening to 'cherub rock' again and again. it's such a terrific rock song. apparently, billy corgan wrote it as his response to the indie rock community and the media. the way i see (hear?) it, it seems to be about the conflict between fame and privacy, and perhaps how being a songwriter necessarily exposes one's own thoughts to people who may not value it.

now the lyrics have very little to do with me, since i'm not the songwriter for a famous rock band. but the music is just amazing. it's just relentless, highlighting the immense ability of jimmy chamberlin and corgan. you get the chorus, with chamberlin banging on the drums and corgan just repeating "let me out", after a cycle of verse-prechorus-verse-prechorus, introduced pretty late in the song and immediately elevating it. the chorus rails against the imagery of the verse and the cynicism of the prechorus, simply repeating three words -"let me out". it's really as if corgan is trying to figure out what to say, but in the end, it just comes down to three simple words.

somehow these old songs make me feel very comfortable. i've been panicking quite a bit lately, and the songs are very helpful. i do think i'm feeling better though; moving away from the things that upset me have been very useful.