given how early i woke up, i really should have walked to work today. the bus was absolutely packed. happily, today was the last day i had to actually take the 8:40 bus. 5 more days in chicago, before the holiday i feel i well deserve.
some progress today: for the first time today, i enjoyed having lunch alone.
as an aside: i realized today what charisma is. i saw this girl today twice: once on the bus in the morning and once while i was walking to the gym. she's somewhat attractive, but nothing extraordinary. not very well dressed, nothing fancy. but somehow, both times i saw her, she just seemed to be at the center of attention. she literally created a halo of charisma around her. quite remarkable.
the above was written on wednesday. i just didn't post it, because i didn't think it was worth it. but what the heck. the following i just wrote:
so i spent a few hours last night loading music on my new mp3 player. it's a creative zen 8gb model, which can be had for an amazing $90 on newegg.com. it makes my old player, which had half the capacity and cost twice the price seem ridiculous. the screen on this new one is absolutely beautiful, and it's so thin. but enough about the new toy.
i remember the days of portable cd players. this was back in the day of napster (before they went all legal and all) and people downloaded single mp3s of highly dubious quality. i had bought an external cd writer for my computer and was so excited about being able to get my mp3s onto a cd so i could listen to them on my way to school, which was at worst an hour's trip on a couple of buses. battery life wasn't a problem because the cd player ran on AA batteries, though i remember the last one i had was rechargable. it's still sitting in my drawer somewhere, so perhaps i should take them out of a spin.
anyways, fast forward about 6 years and i'm loading 7 gigabytes of songs onto my mp3 player and worrying more about the battery life than running out of songs. i used to carry around those cd wallets back in the days, and got so annoyed because i never figured out how to change a cd standing up on a bus while holding on for dear life. now, i just scroll down a list (the interface has become quite slick in the years since my first mp3 player too) and i have everything i could possibly want to listen to.
but in a way, the sophistication of technology is catching up with the needs of life. well, my life at least. because back then, the longest trip i ever imagined myself taking couldn't have been more than a few hours. the rickety buses up to melaka to visit my grandmother only took 4 hours, and the longest flight i had been on was a 6 hour one coming back from beijing. now, it's 2 flights, a journey that takes an entire day. i'll need all the music i can get.
and it got me thinking about what other accoutrements have become part of my life in recent years. the cellphone is so common these days, but having had one for the longest time, i realize i don't actually use it very much. i hardly have anyone to call, and no one ever calls me. i don't even text anyone anymore. but then i realize that my phone use comes in spurts, when i have friends and feel the urge to do something about that. then other times, i just don't bother.
what else? this computer for example. it's supposedly portable, but with all the cables i have coming out of it, it might as well be bolted to the table. i developed the habit of carrying it around when i started tutoring, to pass the 4 hours in case no one shows up, and the computer reacted against its renewed portability by refusing to start up. i have since dismantled it twice, found no way of fixing the problem that i could understand, and then have it start up upon reassembly as if nothing happened. but do i really need this computer with me? i've been thinking about my trip to the east coast, after i return from my holiday in singapore. do i need to carry this around? i know i'll want to have something so i can write, but it seems so excessive.
and then there are other more basic things. like watches. i actually have 2, one of which i never wore. i'll find it everytime i clean my room, wear it for a couple of days, and go back to my regular one, which i have had for almost 8 years. i have 3 different scents that i use on a rotating basis, on the days i even bother to put some on. somehow, getting the first made me feel more like a civilized person, and the appearance of the other two just increased the complexity of getting ready to leave the house. i want a new pair of shoes, even though the two i already have is enough for anyone.
we make life difficult for ourselves i think. in this world of increasing ease, we include more complexity just because we need something to occupy our time. we've moved so far beyond a society that has to work to live, to one that feels compelled to create things to take up our time so we don't waste away. are we happier now? because i don't think i am.
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