relive the pictures that have come to past for now we stand alone

the web is abuzz with talk about the new 'watchmen' movie, perhaps because the trailer was attached to what will no doubt become one of the top grossing movies of all time, or maybe cos it's the source material is highly popular. for me, i just love the song. it's called 'the beginning is the end is the beginning', by the smashing pumpkins. i think it just came at the right time, when my frame of mind is highly open to the smashing pumpkins ('cherub rock' and 'mayonaise' are two of my favorite songs now).

the song was originally written for the film 'batman and robin', a complete hatchet job of a movie. billy corgan, when originally approached to write the song, thought it was ludicrous for the smashing pumpkins to be writing a song about batman. but having embraced the concept, the outcome was quite amazing. the original version of the song is called "the end is the beginning is the end", and the one used in the 'watchmen' trailer is in fact the remix that i think played during the credits of 'batman and robin'. but if anything, the song is much more appropriate for a movie like 'watchmen', just because it's clearly too dark for the camp-fest that was 'batman and robin'.

it's one of those songs that really seem to speak about corgan, even though he claims he was trying to think like batman when he wrote it (how does one even go about doing that, i mean, thinking like batman?). corgan is one of those rockers who have battled mental issues their entire lives. he was chronically depressed and had suicidal thoughts, perhaps the two things that are easiest to read from the song. it's relentlessly dark, desperately so and almost difficult to listen to. that said, it has probably played about 10 times since i started writing this. it's just so hypnotic, that despite the fact that it feels determined to hollow you out, you can't help but keep listening.

the batman-ness of the song is not hard to see. it's about someone calling out from a dark place, and asking "is it bright where you are?" knowing that the answer is probably no. but it's also one of those things you feel when you are feeling depressed. in my experience, you feel as if the rest of the world is going on having a grand time at your expense despite the obvious fallacy of the idea. so you want to rail against those who seem to have done you wrong, and ask "is this what you wanted? are you having fun? are you happy?" but then you realize there isn't an answer that will make you feel better. an affirmative answer just affirms why you should feel aggrieved, but a negative answer just piles on even more hopelessness. because if the rest of the world isn't having fun either, then what is the point?

oh well, that was more pointless than i thought it would have been. the weight of the song in my head did not translate into the weight of this post. the thing is, no one really reads this anymore, because you are all sick of my nonsense, as i am with myself. and the only person who does check this regularly only does so for fear of defamation. since i've always considered this a conduit into my head, for both myself and anyone who cares to know, it sounds like a monumental failure. maybe i should just name names and stick with libel.