忘记吧，若可以也是一种幸运

and in that brief flash between seeing something that makes you feel glad and the realisation that it was just your head fooling yourself, i decided that i was now content. unfortunately it was one of those decisions that could only accompany the dull hum of the aircon late at night, when insomnia cooperates with those unhappy thoughts to batter down the gates of my sanity. that last gasp clutching at straws that somehow keeps as afloat by sheer hope. and this after having some of the best few days of recent months.

perhaps let's start by saying that the last post turned out to be premature. it seems we will last for more than eight months and i'll prove my mom wrong yet. as far as i can tell, nothing has changed, so sometimes it's all a matter of seeing things from a different perspective. the nagging fear is still there, that things will get bad, but we can choose to see it as a reminder of how hard things really are and avoid those problems that will negate the good. i'm glad that somehow, at the very last moment when things looked like they were beyond repair, we both saw something worth fighting for. fighting. that's what life is sometimes.

and night cycling was also rather enjoyable. the after effects have pretty much entirely worn off, as i had thought it would, and apart from the destroyed sleep pattern, i'm feeling rather normal. it was slightly less exciting than i'd expected, and perhaps slightly less scenic. but it was enjoyable nonetheless. all in all, a good gathering of both familiar and the unexpected.


and my first monday back in singapore where i wasn't at an office. mondays, i realise, are beautiful days when you have nothing to do. the streets were less crowded, it was easy to find seats at a food court, the library was well-stocked and movies were 7 dollars at the cinema. saw "click" today, which will be the second critically panned movie i will praise in recent date. it's not really very funny, but i think it serves as a good fable. a cautionary tale that has a lot of relevance to modern life. people today live for the next moment and are always looking for the next bit of instant satisfaction. technology has become a means for us to perpetuate a lot of bad habits and mistakes. people are losing touch with what is important to their hearts in favour of what is important to their heads. there is a lot of complexity that the film explores, and as the tone quickly shifts from comedy to tragedy, it never loses a sense of cohesion. for that much the film deserves praise. i'm somewhat biased towards adam sandler, because i believe he portrays the everyman better than almost any other actor in hollywood, and this is very much the story of an everyman.

the fact that i'm going back to chicago in about a month is hardly registering, though it is always on my mind. and as much as i want to go back now, i also want to stay here for good. that's a familiar feeling. the feeling of wanting to be at two places at the same time.