suffered a swift defeat, i'll endure countless repeats

it seems as if my blog will always revolve around the same themes. underappreciation, loneliness, existentialist angst and the odd ranting involving music/movies/books. scratch out "blog" and replace with "life" and it's pretty much accurate as well. and as much as that should make me depressed like a lot of things are liable to being, i've resolved not to be upset today because it's monday and there are plenty of things that are upsetting enough.

and as my first year in college comes to a close, i'm fighting to be able to tell people that it was a good year, like i've been doing while thinking in my head how much had gone wrong and why i am still not happy. so i begin by listing the list of things i've done this year, which is meant to impress no one but myself of the fact that it was not a total waste of time:

left asia for the first time in my life to come to chicago
started school at a very good college
made friends with people from a totally different background as myself
learnt how to project 35mm film in a cinema
auditioned for/casted in/performed in a big budget student musical
went to europe for the first time to tour both london and paris
watched a musical in west end, and another in chicago
saw my first baseball game
saw snow
barenaked ladies/jeff tweedy concerts
flew 40000 miles along the way

and as much as i can feel like i should have done much more, my empty reserves of both energy and funds (the latter being the limiting factor by far) lead me to believe that either i am weak or that i have done enough. both might be true, or untrue, which really is a great dilemma whenever it comes to regrets and the past. who knows where our roads are leading/have led. i had meant for this post to mean something more, but right now, i've run out of things to say. i suppose that's enough self-justification for the day.