I need to stop doing this:
She stood silently as he loaded his bags into the trunk of the cab and thought about how his life fit quite neatly into 3 bags. A real person would have more things, she thought, more baggage. Her mind wandered, to thoughts about what she had to pick up from the grocery store on her way home and what she would have for lunch after he left.
"I guess this is it guys."
"We're going to miss you."
"Well, that's to be expected"
Still she said nothing. Their eyes met, and for a moment she felt a mix of guilt and relieve, as if she just finished a book that she never paid enough attention to. The analogy was apt; she never felt as if there was anything she could have done about his life, and now her part in his story was done.
"Don't be a stranger, okay?", she finally said, resorting to a cliche when nothing else that made sense even came to mind.
"Okay. Well, I've got a plane to catch. It's been fun guys."
He got into the cab and waved out at the small gathered group. And like that he left his friends on a sunny day in July, disappearing out of her life, an exit far more dramatic than his subtle entrance. The cab pulled away from the front porch of the apartment building, rounded a corner, and he was gone.
i have also been thinking how much easier life would be if we all just came to terms with the idea that no one really cares about anyone else. people drop into and out of our lives so quickly and if we don't bother trying too hard to hold on to anyone, then we could save a lot of that energy for other things. of course, the problem yet again boils down to our fear of loneliness.
my horoscope told me to embrace and heed my fears today. i'm nervous. if my fears are as i might expect on a tuesday, then i think i know what i might be in for.
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