indulge in some irony. because like i've said so many times before, irony is everywhere in life. and it can make things miserable for you, or you can laugh at it. though i don't suppose this is that ironic.
i realise that i've spent my entire life running towards something. and now that i am closer than ever to all those things i've been running towards, i have absolutely no idea what to do. it's like i've been miserable my entire life that i've forgotten how to really smile. and now that i really have no reason to be miserable, i just can't handle being happy.
so i realise this is an extremely offensive post. because i'm basically lamenting my own good fortune. but honestly, this is the only thing i know how to do. i always said that good memories don't exist, because memories of happy things only serve to tell us what we had and lost. why must it feel as if it's the same for good experiences, for feeling happy in the present? it must take someone extremely bitter to be constantly reminded that happiness is brief, and soon to be lost.
and so every moment of pure happiness is in fact tinged with a huge amount of heartbreak. and what do we do? do we clutch at straws and hope for eternity? or do we accept that life is like that? i would really just have wanted to lose myself, but i suppose sometimes you can't.
i am beginning to understand more and more why this world is pure suffering and nothing else.
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