it's 7.14am here in chicago, in exactly two days i'll be at the airport waiting for my flight home. right now i'm waiting for the time to pass so that i can get on the bus to campus, because i need to take my calculus final exam. and as i type this, a minute has passed. time is a very very odd thing, and i will probably never figure it out.
i can't really believe that i've been here almost 3 months. where did all the time go? amidst all the getting-to-know-yous and the chaos of just waking up in the mornings, it all disappeared. all the time spent in math class puzzled, fighting sleep in bio class, acting intelligent in social science and just trying to get it in humanities, it all disappeared. and on the cold saturday nights, at 2am while i walk towards the bus stop to catch the very last bus home after a night at the cinema, i realise that somewhere along the line, i must have traded that time for something: me.
everything, all the time spent doing any little thing goes to you. to figuring out who you are and what you want with yourself. to figuring out what you want out of other people. to learn to love and to live. and how i wish time never passed and we stayed in one moment forever, yet still be able to have everything we'd ever wanted.
it's 7.20am. i've had all of 5 hours of sleep last night, coupled with a totally bizarre dream that i would do well not to describe. it's is a strange feeling, of optimism and pessimism entangled in my mind, and with life and love in my heart.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
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