remember to remember me, standing still in your past

because here i am, at 4.45am in the morning, feeling empty inside, aching. because i feel so very very alone. i want to go home. for the first time i am going to readily admit something i've been feeling for quite awhile. because after everything, all my attempts at making myself feel some sense of purpose to be here and to think of this place as more than just a blip, i failed.

and where are you? far away, probably having the time of your life. please say you're not, because i thought i knew you more than that. because if you say that i am not on your mind right now, then i have no idea what to do. because i already feel so lost already. how did i let it come to this? i have no idea.

but whatever the outcome, the damage has been done. it's a matter of where i go from here.