the point has come when i hate myself for being miserable, so i suppose i'm probably halfway there to being alright again. i hope.
it is just that when i was sitting in the biological sciences building, waiting for my class to sit, and trying to read the winter's tale, things just felt like they were collapsing around me. so i got another panic attack like i always do, which somehow revolved around this irrational fear of drowning. and then somehow, all my troubles came right up to me, and i hated myself for almost breaking down into tears.
i suppose it is some kind of odd chemical imbalance in my body right now, that is making my heart literally ache for some kind of comfort. not to cause alarm, but writing this down, rationalising everything, makes it a little better. and now that night creeps up upon me at 5pm, and the light is getting depressing, maybe i can put it down to daylight savings time and how i am not at all used to being here.
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