you never wanted to be committed to the present; you were too busy living in the past

in the past few days i seem to have arrived at a slightly different understanding of what i'm feeling. more than just a place or location, it seems like the concept of home encompasses the entire set of things that make you feel comfortable, that you want return to when you are tired and need to escape. i'm lacking that in such a big way now. perhaps this is an argument for me to look forward to the end of this experience. in some ways, things will be so much easier when i get back to singapore. there will be a certain normalcy, more than i can ever expect here.

separately, but perhaps obliquely related, i wondered on the way to campus today about this one dilemma: would you prefer to miss someone forever, or to never really get close to that person at all? no answer for that, and perhaps not particularly worth thinking about either.