firstly: the decemberists is an amazing band. they are one of those bands that are not exceptionally talented in terms of technical ability, nor are their songs particularly good. but they are extremely good performers, and there is a theatrically inherent in their music that they exploit very well. it's one thing to listen to them, and another to see them live, and i'm glad i got to do that again tonight. very enjoyable concert.
second: i think i've hit some kind of equilibrium. after going around with a huge grin on my face for about a week, i seem to have come off that high and now i'm just coping, but in a much more competant way. irrational thoughts still arise, but they wash over so quickly now, and i'm glad they do. i've also become much more discerning with friends. there are people out there that i really want to be closer to, and maybe if i tried it would work. on the other hand, i'm much more comfortable with the idea of losing friends that i used to find important. it's all so silly sometimes, but we just have to do the best for ourselves don't we?
third: i've been feeling so much last misanthropic these days. i genuinely want people to be happy, even those people who have been making me miserable. that's the only place to start really. if everyone was happy, or rather, if everyone had something to be happy about (which is not really the same thing), then the world would be so much less difficult to navigate. i realized that my past misery must have had an effect on the people around me, and i feel very sorry for inflicting that on the people who cared about me. and yes, i do believe there are people that fall into that category.
well the quarter is half done. it's getting so close to the finish now. perhaps now is the time to make things count. perhaps if it all works out, then all of this would be worth it. i'm actually optimistic for once.
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