served by different stories, am i living in your dream?

time to revisit and recount. things have been crazy of late, and as much as i relish the return of some quiet to my life, i just can't quite cope with the self-doubt.

another quarter over, and my time here is drawing swiftly to a close. and despite all that has happened this quarter, it is probably still better for me that there's still more than a year to go, then simply the 3 months i could have elected to have. had i been more religious, i would have seen the past quarter as a kind of test that i probably failed horribly.

it's almost as if 2008 came to ensure i would never be confident in myself. for the most part it's been a monumental 'fuck you!' to the notion that i can do what i set my mind to. nothing has worked out the way i imagined it, and all i'm left with is a messy room and the perpetual feeling of malaise. i'm quite lost, and quite uncertain about everything in my life now and it's a very disconcerting position to be in.

and i wish i could honestly say that things are looking up. at least there's the weather, and i'm not feeling so lonely anymore. but in so many other ways, the outcome has been entirely incompatible with my intentions. time is running out for me to turn somethings around, but without any confidence or capacity to hope, i'm going to just wait it out. i'm no good at this.