i realise that my previous 2 blog posts both had titles starting with the word stuck. must have been a subconscious thing. anyways, it's almost 5 am, and i can't sleep even though i'm so tired. somehow i feel as if i have to write just a little.
today when i was just sitting around being upset, i formulated my personal motto: i'm neither dumb nor nice, so don't fuck with me. and as strange as that sounds, it seems to describe me quite perfectly. i suppose life really isn't always about what you want to do, but what people try to do to you and how you react to it. i mean, if i believe everyone is out for their own self-interest like the well-behaved economist i'm supposed to become, it is inevitable that we all have to fuck each other over.
but really, that's not my point. i've been upset all week for reasons even i don't know. maybe it's because i think i'm becoming a bad person. rather, i think it's because i feel as if i am trying to be, or thinking thoughts only befitting of a bad person. but you know, what is the difference? and how much of it is just arbitrary? yet i suppose what i really want is to get rid of all these "evil" thoughts. it's all about learning to be content.
you can get through this, and in the end you know that what you want is something quite simple.
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