i realise that i just cannot make friends with people. it's almost a pathological inability to make people trust me, to make people feel as if they can tell me things and want to share things with me. even if i try, which i often do as much as i dislike to admit. and day after day i have to come to terms with the fact that i am not an interesting person, and i'm not nice, and i don't give enough, and i just am not the kind of person you would be glad to know. it's upsetting really.
i just hate myself i think. sometimes i feel as if i shouldn't even try, because it is so much worse when i do try but fail. what can i do to make someone feel as if they would want to share part of their lives with me? for people to think about me when they have something happy they want to tell someone, or to relate to me their woes. i am too many people's fair-weather friend. and i hate that. what i need are foul-weather friends instead.
and i need people to stop breaking their promises to me. because people do it all the time. i suppose it's all related, because people don't break promises to friends, and they do it to me all the time. gah.
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