why do i persist on getting myself into situations where i know i will feel awful? sometimes i don't understand myself and the things that get me going. the need to unnecessarily bash my head against figurative walls and just fling myself into the path of emotional destruction. there is obviously some exaggeration there, but i feel as if i am just a real sucker for punishment.
the concert was wonderful. the glazunov symphony was quite enjoyable, and really served as a fitting opening for the tchaikovsky. the violin concerto was indeed spectacular. the technical difficulty of the piece made it amazing to not just listen to, but to watch simply watch the violinist perform it. the soloist was simply magnificent.
but i shan't attempt to talk much more about concert, since i know so little about this area. the point of this post was simply to get rid of a little bit of the depression that seems to plague me every time i get space to just be alone and think. i realise i can't sit through most concerts because they give me so much time to think and i feel so uncomfortable with my mind whirring. and tonight, even with all the great music, it was in utter overdrive.
and i suppose the one big question that came out of all that thinking, and that i am still thinking of now, is this: why do i chase the things i cannot get, and suffer the disappointment again and again? there must be something inherently self-destructive about my behaviour.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment