have been listening to this one album nonstop the whole of today, death cab for cutie's "plans", which is growing on me very quickly. which sucks cos it is such a pretentious album to enjoy. it's like, such a stereotypical album for people who like to act as if their music taste is better than everyone's.
but it really is an outstanding example of music played around a theme, that of sorrow. it's like the band took different facets of sorrow and distilled them into one coherent album that plays with the concept. the songs that play with the idea of the death of a loved one is especially powerful. "i'll follow you into the dark" is perhaps the single most moving song i've heard in a long time, and "what sarah said" is a mix of fear and beauty that transcends the subject matter.
mostly the music makes me sad, but in a way that is contained and comprehensible. an external kind of sad that i can come to terms with and that is much easier to handle than all the pain we all have to feel daily. aristotle called this carthasis. i call this dealing. but sometimes it isn't enough for the music to get the pain out of the system.
i'm very afraid of myself tonight. because i feel like i'm about to do something i might not even live to regret. in some ways i already did. the thing about sending mail is how irreversible that is. when you email someone, it pops up in their inbox instantaneously, and no matter how much you regret sending something, it's too late. that's courage i think, in the most shallowest way. the courage to simply tell someone something and not be able to ever take it back. it is the only courage i know.
i think i shall go to sleep. and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. it will be another day. one of so many more i don't want to endure, but have to. goodnight everyone. we all deserve some sleep.
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