it's been so long since i posted here. and i'm very sorry to anyone who still reads this, but it seems everytime i post now, it's because i'm feeling incredibly miserable.
i was standing outside the lecture theatre waiting for class to start today when i realised just how confused everyone looks. and it became quite obvious why, because life is confusing. it's like everything that happens to us is one huge joke, like someone decided to create a whole bunch of extremely intelligent being without really a purpose, and then make sure that they couldn't live forever as a huge joke to make everyone miserable.
there were obviously people laughing and talking, but i always wondered whether they were really happy or just ignorant. i've been reading too much nietzsche recently, so much so that he is starting to sound right. maybe we all need to understand how horrible life is. and then what happens? do we all give up and die? but we can't really do that cos we are just too caught up in our lives, in our little world and the little lies we tell ourselves that everything is alright.
i am too caught up with my life. with myself. today i was on the bus to the dining hall and i couldn't tell the difference between the buildings and the sky, as if the horizon was so far way that i could no longer see it and therefore wasn't there. and i was so scared because it so obviously was.
i keep coming back here when i have no idea where to go. this is my last refuge for whenever i run out of places. isn't it sad? because this thing has no purpose. and at the end of the day, this is all i have.
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