we are just bracing for the impact by loosening our limbs

without really meaning to, i have been confronted with many thoughts about loneliness. firstly, i'm reading mark oliver everett's biography. everett is the lead singer of the eels, and so far it's been a very interesting read. i just put down the book because i felt the urge to comment on something. in the section i just read, he described being invited to play for neil young's annual benefit concert. both him and his sister were huge fans of neil young, but she had committed suicide not long before. everett describes his meeting neil young as bittersweet. here he was, meeting one of his heroes but unable to enjoy it entirely because all he could think about was how he was no longer able to share that experience with someone.

that's the most difficult part about being alone. we all want to feel like our lives are full of meaningful experiences, but it's so difficult to do that without the affirmation of someone else, without someone else to validate the importance of what we feel. it's the feeling that you have something to share, but no one to share it with that is the worst.

i also saw 'synecdoche, new york', which doesn't deal with loneliness directly, but brought on odd feelings. one of the really strange motifs was that of a burning house, which according the charlie kaufman represents the things that are obviously bad for us, but that we persist in doing. this doesn't quite relate directly with loneliness, but it seems like while you are lonely, you seem particularly prone to the burning houses. i think we are conditioned to be so afriad of loneliness that we allow ourselves to endure a lot of other terrible things.

i felt like i had a lot more to say about these things, but it seems like i've exhausted the feelings. perhaps my slight inebriation is preventing more from coming out.