i seem incapable of writing long, coherent, things anymore. they can either be short and fragmented, or long and somewhat silly. increasingly, i'm not sure what this is being written for.
well to address something amusing first: someone's been searching my blog for entries about bond breaking, i assume not in the sense of chemistry. whoever you are, i hope you are sufficiently satisfied. i talk about that quite little i think, and i think my opinions about that topic is rather unobjectionable. i would gladly discuss this with you if you're actually interested in knowing what i feel, and since as far as i can tell, you're in chicago, i don't see why we can't just do that.
alright, silly thing out of the way. on to more.... well, silly things. i mentioned not long ago that among other thing parts of my psyche that feels atrophied, i feel as if i'm incapable of caring for another person on a deep level. i think that was mistaken, a somewhat misanthropic response on an unhappy day.
i woke up today feeling somewhat happier than usual. a part of me has turned a corner, i feel. so unusually for me, i'm having unselfish feelings. i think i am capable of caring for someone without really expecting anything in return. it's still extremely rare, but if i really cleared my head of other bad thoughts, i can think of a few people who i hold in such regard that rational calculus no longer apply in my interaction with them.
i said something yesterday that i knew applied to more than just my preferences. when i start caring about something, or someone, it doesn't tend to go away. i don't stop, not really. all i can do, when it becomes to difficult to keep caring, is to walk away. these days, i'm learning how to just stay and accept it. at least for the time being, when it's even possible. in these days of impending separation, you've got to take what you get.
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