what if i say i'm not like the others?

so less than a week before i'm heading off again. somehow the stress of what's to come is eluding any attempts by me to channel it. it's been a summer of minor accomplishments, which is very telling of my psyche. all that i've been doing is avoiding regret, which is something i am quite adept at doing now, but still need to do better.

am i happy? that's probably a question that's been coming up quite a lot. i think it's a question that comes after making any sort of decision and in a sneaky way i've made so many. i'm so afraid of mediocrity and recent decisions are bringing me ever closer to the possibility that i might really never amount to anything. that said, i feel comfortable with my decisions, excited almost. for the first time in my life i feel as if i am different, that i am allowing myself to go for something that i feel something about.

and it's a lot of things. somehow a certain courage is coming into me as i prepare to take another step forward. things are going well perhaps, in a way. as if being on this path is somehow appropriate. i like that word 'appropriate'. perhaps it has spiritual origins, though that thought is a little silly. karma and all. the feeling that we are doing what we are meant to be doing. if nothing else that feeling makes me happy. after all, it is the very definition of contentment, is it not?

i think i'm ready to go again.