i took a look at my online transcript, and realized how long that list has become. if ever there was a milestone for my college education, that would be it. happily, i count 14 different department codes, meaning i've taken classes anchored in 14 different disciplines. the thought of that makes me very glad to have done this. i feel very silly sometimes, when i talk about how miserable i am. this was clearly an amazing opportunity, something that has changed my life for the better regardless of how hard it might seem to realize.
i feel like i have to apologize for some things, even though i don't know why, or who to. i've been panicking about many things, but i'm not sure what i can do. there's a persistent feeling that everything i've worked for might somehow implode, that i might make a tremendous mistake and mess up everything. i feel as if i will never stop feeling this insecure. i feel as if i will never stop thinking about certain things, no matter how much i want to. i feel as if i don't know what it is that i wish would change, but i want something to change nonetheless.
it's been snowing a lot today. i'm glad that i'm getting just the right amount of human contact for this time. it was a nice weekend. too bad it leaves me with a lot to do before i leave on my trip.
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