the weather today is decidedly gloomy, as if chicago is unwilling to give me a friendly send off. much like it has constantly evaded my attempts to become comfortable with being here in the first place. so now i am stuck here in my room, procrastinating from packing up the last few pieces of stuff i have. it's cold outside and while it's not warm in here, it's still home.
i never thought i would find it hard to leave this place. but i am. there are so many things to miss and i know i'm going to want to come back here when i get back to singapore. oh what a horrible feeling it is, to be torn between 2 places that feel so different but are both so important to you. i haven't been really happy here, but i'll probably never ever be happy anywhere. but i've been content, and it has been a good year.
i look at the last few things i have on my desk and my chest of drawers. the bedding i'm deciding whether to throw away. the empy spaces that were never really filled, but somehow were occupied. the dirty bathroom, the dusty shelves and the lake view. nine months passed so quickly. somehow i get the feeling that one of the most important years of my life has passed, and i'm just now realising what i've let go by.
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