gone for good

sunday evening on my last book in day. of sorts. my disruption date is going to be the 24th of june, this friday. effectively, this means that for the past 3 months, i've been training for nothing. do i mind? not quite. not really. because i have to go right. and now more than ever, i want to go, because i simply can't stand being around anymore.

well more specifically, my bunkmates can't stand me around anymore. i've known for quite awhile that they don't like me, maybe because subconsciously, i've been alienating them for quite sometime. i'm kinda like that. i make friends quickly, and lose them faster. because in this world, if you don't act, pander, pretend and show off, then you're going to have no friends real fast. and i don't act, pander, pretend or show off. i will not change who i am because it makes it more friendly to you, nor will i stop being myself. that's me. if i don't want to do something, don't make me. i'm a grating person, intolerant and principled to a fault. i will point out things to you i don't like, and i will make feel bad if you make me have to.

but i am not a bad person. i respect intelligence, good planning, time management, and above all people who strive to apply themselves in everything they do. qualities i value most and try as much as possible to achieve. i am self-centred, but who isn't? it's more a matter of how close your own values coincide with those of people around you. when they do, then you will find yourself in a comfortable position and appreciated. when you don't, then inevitably you become an outsider. and to be honest, i don't mind being an outsider. i've been an outsider all my life. but that's okay, cos i know that i'll always have my bunch of outsiders with me.

i hate shallow people. people who change themselves to suit their surroundings. people who cannot see the big picture. people who hold grudges for no reason. people who let life pass them by while holding on to the most insignificant victories. people who play down their strengths, be it in a failed show of humility or to avoid greater utility of them. people who are not honest, either to others or themselves. people who are unable to see beyond the immediate and apparent, or who do not try. people who use religion or race to justify anything. people who are content with being mediocre. that's a long list. but it doesn't make me a bad person. because i know people who will hate you for much much less.

people tend to dislike those who are not like them. people who tell the truth all the time. people who do not say nice things. people who are not always trying to nice. that kinda makes me rather unpopular everywhere i go. but it doesn't really matter that much, because life is short, and you can't possibly please everyone. that's not what life is about. life should be about being yourself and finding those who will accept you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

and it all comes back to this. my bunkmates hate me because i am not like them. they have every right to, because it's a most natural defensive mechanism. and it is inconvenient, but i won't be there for long. it's annoying when people cause you to lose potential friends, but then again, i've never really seen army as a place for making friends. people are just too different, and everyday i find myself disappointed by human nature. i'm not perfect, but the world sure as hell isn't too. so we pretty much have to make do.