are you under the impression that this isn't your life?

so college has come to an end. there's a lot to talk about, but no right words. now i'm sitting at home, and like i suspected, the past 4 years feel more like a dream than anything else. if not for the detritus of the experience, i could really convince myself that i've been in some kind of coma.

it rained on graduation. i had meant to write something poignant about it, but all it really did was give me a terrible cold. and then with all the packing, and the lack of proper goodbyes, it's so easy to feel like i was being rushed out the door.

words are really not coming; thoughts are too fragmented to be put together. i've been confronting the question of how i feel, and been hitting a real wall. am i proud of what i've done? not really. do i miss being in chicago? i think i'm too close to feel that. and right now there's something nice about being home. getting away from chicago, despite all the good things and people i'm leaving behind, feels like a new start. perhaps i need that.

what is left then? the friendships maybe. but it's so difficult to base a friendship on nothing, and now that i'm so far away, it's easy to just let them disappear. i'm a little numb about all of this, as if the past has been decisively left behind, and there's no reason to ever revisit.

the memories have begun to fade already. there's simply no other way. i'll be taking a break from writing. this blog was always meant to end at some point, and i think this is it. i'll be back to bore you with my life at some point, with a different look maybe. i'll keep you all posted. but for now, it's goodbye to a past life, and time to deal with the new.